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Strife Raven
19 April 1986
External Services:
  • strife_raven@livejournal.com
  • striferaven AIM status
Mine’s a mind that’s full of love and hate
Most of which is hidden in a masquerade
And though I’ll never hide a thing
Most of my pain and past is buried deep
What’s there are omissions of guilt
Some remission of sins that have been built
Some of which still haunt my dreams
I push away to feel nothing
Oh, come on sweet catastrophe
‘Cause everything is out of reach
To far away for me to see
Or to care for anything

And what’s all this talk of what I want?
That’s just as much a mystery to me as it is to anyone
Sometimes I wish that I were pure
Still innocent and loved and full of good
Then it turns and I’m filled up with sorrow
And I have to admit, there’s a comfort in feeling hollow
Building hopes just to tear them down
Climbing up so I can drown
Pull in close to push away
Finish quick to hesitate
If I could just make up my mind
Maybe then I might just find
Life’s not as hard as it seems to me
I’m just confused and wandering
I’m never lost but I have not been found
I’m a mystery to myself
And I can’t see where I’m heading

More often than not I feel myself struggling
To grasp on to a final decision or feeling
‘Cause to me it all can be so fleeting
In the blink of an eye I’ve gone from firm to fleeing
But at least it’s not as bad as hiding
But I don’t know half myself half as much as I need too
And though I wish that I could know
I don’t have a core that never loses hold
And don’t expect I’ll follow through
You can’t depend on what you’re used to
But I have the best laid plans
But I burn, and they crash

At a glance I’m sure it all seems subtle
At first I thought it a mask, but now I’m not so certain
I find I’m fighting myself for my own survival
And so who will I be today?
Someone full of despise and drowning in self-pity?
Or a romancer who loves to hold a lover closely
Or maybe someone who is
Strung out on apathy
The kind that takes control of you
But only ‘cause you want it to
You are so loved but you feel so crossed
It’s funny
I am so vain
But have such low self-worth
It haunts me

I’m sure I’m blowing things out of proportion
It’s the exact same thing that everybody goes through
But still, what is it that changes
All the feelings I have to the lack thereof in a second?
It seems, to me, to be a lot more drastic
Than the method acting that every day we practice
I try to see to downplay these things
To feel some kind of normalcy
But I never do, it’s a ghostly thing
That manages to elude me
As I try to escape my own demons
And my angels on the battlefield
I’d just like to find some small solace
In the cold of darkness or heat of love
In the lack of care or the caring of
Just to stop waking up in my holy war
Nothing but a fractured force
Where the only victim is me
And lost

Although at times it seems forgotten
I have to remember that the outside world has substance
And out there are friends that keep me guarded
From myself and what’s around me
I’m so thankful to them and know that they do love me
And one day I will find my angel
Who is a devil with a halo
And we’ll blend so gracefully
She’ll save my sanity and I might save her sinking
‘Cause we’re all caught up in the same undertow
But we’re never, ever all alone
And when you think it’s rock bottom
I’ll jump right in and lift you up
‘Cause it’s all I have, and it’s all we’ll see
That will show our faith
In our love
In our hopes
In ourselves
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